I had nightmares all night last night in which kids were in danger and I couldn't protect them.
So after a bad night of sleep, I picked up the paper this morning to catch up on the world and instead found myself reeling at the story pasted on the front page. I haven't read the whole story. I can't. I see from the headline that the 2 year old fought back as his mother suffocated him. Then I see my 3 year old - my beautiful, well-loved 3 year old - and I feel sick.
I struggle coming to terms with horrors like this because I have no way to understand it. I grieve the loss of these two boys. I feel pain for the pain and fear inflicted upon them. I feel understanding for a mother who is overwhelmed. But I cannot fathom how a mother goes from feeling overwhelmed to killing her children. I have never been in a place so dark that that action would ever seem like my way out. And so I am left trying to fit these pieces together, a momentary glimpse of true darkness in my world of light and laughter. I know these things happen. I know it's because we live in a fallen world - ever since Cain killed Abel, violent death has been a part of life. I know the why - I just don't know the how. How do you watch another person suffer, knowing you are the cause of the suffering, and not care?
I am there with ya ..I have been watching that with a sick stomach as well. Well, not watching as much as glancing quickly way, shaking my head. It is nauseating. It has to be a total mental shut down, right? A person in their right mind could not do such a thing..right?
ReplyDeleteI have been pondering the same sort of thing since David (our minister) spoke about the times surrounding Elijah. He prophesied to people who were sacrificing their children to a false God. They were taking their sweet babies and throwing them into pits of fire. They have discovered archeological sites where they have uncovered 26,000 bones of children and babies, who were sacrificed to the god Molech. How could a person do that..to anyone. let. alone. a child.
Its not the same, but then again ..where is the heart of a person who can do it? How can you throw your child in a fire, choke them to death, cut the toes off your own flesh and blood because they are disobeying (a child my mom counseled last week at a camp for brutally abused children).
It dont know. I am baffled.