Right now is not one of those times.
I find the hardest part of being a mother is balancing all of the opposing forces in my life.
Being kind and gentle with my kids
...and still keeping firm boundaries for them to live within.
Keeping my house peaceful and orderly
...without allowing the amount of work it takes overwhelm me.
Giving my children the time and attention they need and deserve
...and still having time and energy to be a separate person.
And most of all, allowing myself to be imperfect
...without making excuses for myself at every turn.
This balancing act is difficult for me during the best times; this month with my husband out of town, it has brought me to the point of tears. Thank God for mothers who know we all need a good cry sometimes and who still dry their children's tears, even when their children are mothers themselves.
After pouring my heart out to my mom last night, I have realized how lucky I really am. I am so fortunate to have the luxury of being home with my children, of being the person they call out for when they are hurt or happy or in need of a snack. I am so fortunate to have a husband who is involved enough in our life at home that his absence is felt deeply, no matter how long he is gone. I am so fortunate to have talents that I am eager to use and share with others. And I am so fortunate to be able to set my own priorities, to be my own boss, and to decide what my family is going to care about. Recognizing how fortunate I am does not make the task set before me any easier, but it does make my load easier to bear.
So today I am going to sit down and think about my priorities. Think about what I, and others, have placed in my life and decide whether it's worthwhile. Is it worthwhile for my three-year-old to go to gymnastics, if doing so means that she's so tired the next day, she can't enjoy her time at home? Is it worthwhile for me to have hobbies that I enjoy, if it means that my children tell me I'm mean because I won't play with them? Some of the answers will be no, it's not worthwhile, and some of them will be yes, absolutely. My answers will not be the same as everybody else's, but I'm okay with that. I have this one opportunity to be a mom to my children, and I'm going to do what is best for my family. That's really all any of us moms can do.
I think this is a challenge ..for sure. Balance is so hard to create, unless we have those priorities placed deeply in our our hearts. It is an amazing task we have, and so little time to do it in. I dont want to waste a minute - but how does it all fit together? Its a constant challenge for sure. I am praying for you, and asking the same for myself! thanks Molly girl :)
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